by "Gold Fever" Bob Lowe
Well, I received the book I told you about in my last article. The one entitled "Alchemy, The Secret of Turning Lead into Gold." Don't waste your time or money! Most people don't carry enough life and casuality insurance for the trouble you can get into with the recipes contained therein. I found that most insurance policies have an exemption for "stupid man-caused maladies".
How was I to know the ingredients needed to concoct the formulas are next to impossible to come by. When was the last time you saw "eye of newt" at the grocery store?
I was informed that we have a nuisance law in my neighborhood after the smell and fumes started drifting through the hole that was blown out of the wall in my workshop. I told the neighbors and my wife that a "cruise missile" fired at Iraq had veered off course and hit the house. My wife didn't buy it and the neighbors carried out their threats by calling the police.
You know you can't find anyone to help clean up the mess after a failure either. Seems the fear of toxic waste is real. Even the EPA shies away when you explain that your practice of Alchemy caused the destruction.
The worst thing about the practice of Alchemy is the mailing lists you get on. Junk mail from "National Witches Association", "Save the Warlocks Foundation", "Popular Witchcraft" and "Salem Chamber of Commerce" starts arriving.
Trust me, don't get started!
If you have comments or suggestions, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
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